Situation #4: The Wait

7 04 2008

Much of our life is spent waiting. Lets be real. This includes waiting for the dentist, waiting for a movie to start, or waiting for that delicious three-cheese pizza pop to thaw. Where this may become awkward is if we must wait. In public. With nothing to do. The problem is that the social world refuses to acknowledge the fact that people spend most of their time waiting, not producing or consuming or doing. In short, its weird if you aren’t doing anything but sitting somewhere in public.

Solution:

To avoid this awkwardness of sitting and doing nothing you have some options. One option is to start smoking. Your are doing something, congratulations, you are no longer awkwardly sitting /standing / waiting in public. Another option is to ensure that you have a book around to pretend-read. To make this most effective, try to make sure the book written by Nietzsche, or some other hard to pronounce philosopher. This will make it less noticeable if you don’t flip the page very often. If you don’t have a book, perhaps try reading the ingredients found in your grape juice or bag of Doritos. Whoa, that’s some tasty Disodium Guarhylate! But, a foolproof method used often by JSA (journal of social awkwardness) contributors is the fake text. As you wait, act as if you just received a text. Pretend to read this text, slightly amused, and then reply to this non-text with a smirk on your face. This last step, the fake reply could be done by pressing random buttons, playing a game on your cellphone (warning: turn your phone on mute), or, to most closely simulate sending a text message, you can send yourself a text that is really the lyrics to your favorite Rod Stewart Song.

There, now, you appear to be doing something, avoiding awkwardness, and you appear popular. People like you! They text you!

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