Situation #5 – Bitching

12 04 2008

Bitching is the Starbucks of conversation. It is everywhere and, when nobody can think of something better, its the default. Bitching (or, less awkwardly referred to as ‘complainng’) is a sure-fire way to bond with a new friend or colleague. Take the following example:

You “So, whats you opinion on babies?”

Them ” They look like little velociraptors. Babies can’t be trusted”

You “I agree!”

End result of the above conversation : a bond built in the bitch.

So, how can this turn awkward? You bitch about something that, surprise, is about them.

Take this situation:

You ” Seriously, I hate it when people wear fake glasses. I mean, if you can see perfectly, you should not mock others who can’t see by wearing glasses with no lenses. Douchebags.”

Them: ” I wear fake glasses. I AM wearing fake glasses”

Solution:

The best method to avoid the inevitable awkwardness is to simply ask questions regarding the persons answer with extreme enthusiasm and sprinkled with compliments.

In the above example, “Really, they look so real! You even have that visually-challenged squint down! So as a leader in hipster-ness, whats you take on chunky frames versus wire frames? ”

Or, a riskier approach,just start bitching about a topic related to your original bitch. “Seriously, glasses are so expensive AND optometrist appointments are so expensive. Those dudes aren’t even real doctors. WTF?”

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