Situation # 14 – The street corner showdown

19 06 2008

The situation: You are walking (perhaps even strolling) to meet a pal. You are almost at your meeting spot. There it is, just across the street! Ah, the light is red, so you have to wait on the street corner. We know, this in itself is not very awkward (but, please see situation # 4 for how waiting can become awkward). However, say your friend is on the other side of the street and spots you with a wave (the good ol’ gesture equivalent of hello). You are too far away to talk, but not too far away to stare. Yikes, street corner showdown! This situation is likely to trigger an automatic tightening response in the facial muscles, resulting in an open mouth grimace: the tell-tale sign of awkwardness. You will also become far too aware of your standing position as it is being stared at. If you stand there with your legs straight and arms to the side, you will end up looking like a gingerbread cookie (although tasty, not an ideal cookie shape to mimic). We all know that standing with your arms crossed, slightly aloof, means you are closed off and too cool (although this stance will be ideal if you are the owner of an ironic mustache because, my friend, then you are too cool). So what do you?

Solution:

1. If you are lucky enough to be stopped near a convenience store, then signal to your friend that you’re gonna conveniently visit it, escaping the stare and stand. This will also avoid the awkward situation of both you and your friend attempting to cross the street to meet. We also advise that you buy something with good conversational quality while in the store. For example, root beer. This can start conversations about age-appropriate beverages and, hey, why don’t they serve root beer + vodka drinks?

2. Don’t just stand there, adjust. Oh no, your shoelace is untied and handily the time it takes to tie a shoe is equal to that of a red light stop. Don’t have shoelaces? Well, you do have a rock in your shoe…shake that shoe out! Other adjusting: rolling up sleeves (does not work for short sleeved shirts), or buttoning and re-buttoning your jacket with concentration (from across the street, this will look as if you are actually doing something).

3. Wear sunglasses with mirrored lenses to avoid the stare-down.

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One response

20 06 2008
sam

amazing, you guys rule

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