Situation #23 – The last slice of pizza.

16 07 2008

The situation: When it comes to dinnertime dilemmas The Last Slice of Pizza is in a class of its own. The Multiple Fork Issue is a but a distant second, long since settled by the movie Pretty Woman. Outside in, folks. Outside in. So, what to do when you find yourself engaged in a staring contest with a slice of pepperoni pizza?

The solution: First, a couple of important don’ts:

  1. Don’t ask if anyone wants the last slice of pizza. Someone probably does want it and you don’t really care to know; you just want to find a way of eating the last slice without looking like the cad who ate the last slice without at least asking first. It’s a pretty transparent question that can easily backfire.
  2. A slightly more sincere option is to ask whether anyone minds if you eat the last slice. Someone probably will mind though, and will likely resent you for making them say it. Then what?
  3. Resist the urge to go around the table and count the number of slices each person has eaten. This makes you look like the kind of person who keeps a running spreadsheet of every nickel he lends to his friends. You may be that kind of person, but still, it’s better not to advertise it.

The only fair and satisfying way to determine who gets the last slice of pizza is to engage in the time-honoured Hunger Off. It works as follows:

One person starts the game with a statement like “I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s.” Then you go around the table in a clockwise direction and each person either says “agree” or “pass.” If you choose to pass, you are no longer eligible for the slice in question. Once everyone has had a chance to play on that statement, the next player has to come up with a statement of greater hunger for the next round. For example, “I’m so hungry I would steal food from a homeless person.” The game continues until only one person remains, who is then declared The Official Hungriest Person at the Table, and is gifted with the last slice of pizza. You won’t find solutions like that from Julia Roberts!

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One response

30 01 2009
Kymba

Haha, that is AMAZING! My friends and I have started yelling “Shame(insert food item here)!

Example I: “SHAMECHIP!”
Example II: “SHAMECHEESEFRY!”

Then you pick someone, and they’re required to eat it. But this doesn’t really work if you want the fry for yourself…I guess you just don’t say anything and hope someone else calls on you.

Nevermind, your game is better. 🙂

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