Situation #26 – The name game

28 07 2008

The situation: You and your boyfriend/girlfriend are dancing the horizontal mambo, if you know what we mean. Of course you know what we mean, you sly fox! We won’t go into further detail – this isn’t that kind of site. We’ll just say that things are going well and let your imagination take it from there. There’s some “oohing” and some “ahhing” and just as you’re heading into the final sequence of your carnal gymnastics routine, you cry out “Oooh Steeeeeve!” This would be fine, if only your boyfriend was actually named Steve. Your boyfriend, however, is named Karl, a name that bears neither phonetic nor graphic similarity to the name Steve.

The solution: What follow are not so much solutions, as much as tips that will buy you enough time to pack your bags on the way out.

1. Explain that you practice a rare religion where Steve is actually the name of your god. You come from a long line of Spanish stevedores and worship at the altar of your ancestral longshoreman Steven Consuelos The Third.

2. Claim a fetish for an older and unattractive actor. It is very important that you do not pick anyone even remotely attractive, because on the off chance that your boyfriend is convinced, you will then have his newfound insecurities to deal with. Therefore, Steve Carrell and Steve Martin are both bad choices. Steve Buscemi – now we’re talking!

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One response

1 08 2008
Cara

“…bears neither phonetic nor graphic similarity…”

Nerd Alert! I love it.

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