The situation: Picture this, you and a friend are enjoying a couple delightful mojitos on a beautiful sunny patio, when, to your horror, your friend states the obvious. Now, this obvious statement can come in a couple different forms. First, it can be in the form of announcing something so obvious that even a blind kitten would know what was happening, such as “You finished your drink” or “Your shirt is fuchsia”. Obvious statements can also be in the form of repeating the last statement you just said. “Dude, mojito’s are delicious”, your friend “mojitos ARE delicious. ” Either way, these closed-ended obvious statements are conversation killers, leaving you awkwardly wishing your drink was not finished.
The solution:
One sure fire way to open the conversational door that obvious statements slams in your face is to use one liners. Hilarious one liners, may we add. We find the best way to do this is to summon the power of Sean Connery, the international man of one line quips, best seen in the draction (drama action) movie ‘The Rock’.
For example: You and your friend are discussing last nights sporting event. Both of you watched this ‘event’, both of you know what happened, but your friend still states the obvious “Germany lost that game.”
To which, using your best Sean Connery impression (we advise stuffing your mouth with 5-7 marshmallows to get the perfect S.C. accent) quote one of his immaculate lines from the Rock:
“Losers always whine about their “best”! Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
Or, if someone says “you are really between a rock and a hard place” after you stated that, in fact, you are between a rock and a hard place, just look at them, stuff your face with marshmallows and reply:
“Welcome to the Rock”
The Journal of Social Awkwardness 