Situation #29 – the dessert

4 08 2008

The situation – You just charmed your way through the main course of a dinner party. People are intrigued by your hilarious insights on the difference between orange crush and fanta. Importantly, you made the appropriate amount of “yums” and “not even Martha herself could make this” comments about the dinner served, thus complimenting the host but not mocking them. Now, dessert time. Put in front you is what seems to resemble a steaming pile of warm barf. To many, this is the opposite of appetizing. So, what do you do when you have to eat the inedible?

The solution – there are a few options in this situations, but few let us discuss those solutions that may appear helpful, but have dire consequences.

1.) many will think saying “I am so full, I couldn’t possibly take a bite” will do the trick, however, this will most likely result in an never-ending back and forth of:

“oh, come on, just try a bite”

“but I am so full”.

Getting out of this is more difficult than getting out of a “I know you are but what am I?” situation.

2.) Many will also think they can be sneaky by claiming some of sort allergy to the barf-like dessert, but this is a solution only for Costanza-like individuals: those that have the superhuman ability to keep a lie going on for years…and years.

So, the best solution is:

Suck it up and take one tiny bite. Do the mandatory inquistive yum. Then, look at your host and ask “This is great, does this dessert, perchance, have any flour in it (or insert any obvious ingredient)?” The host will respond “why yes, dear dessert eater.” To which you respond: “Oh. Well it is so so delicous, but I recently made a promise to myself. And that promise was to only eat fair trade flour. You see, those poor flour-workers have such terrible work conditions, immune and gastrointenstional problems from their work, that I have made a vow to only eat fair-trade. I’m sorry, but perhaps you could give me the recipe? So Delicious!”

Now, you come across as noble because you care about those poor flour workers and you have not insulted your host by refusing to ingset the barf-like substance in front of you. Success!

Note: this solution will most likely not work if you are dining with hippies because everything will be fair-trade and organic.



3 responses

4 08 2008

Ha! This is helpful to me because my dad ALWAYS tries to get me to try his little kitchen creations that I do NOT want to try. We go back and forth a lot before he finally gives up.

He says, “here try this.”
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“Just have one bite.”
“No dad. I don’t want to.”
“Try it!”
“No!” And so on.

NOW I know how to get out of it AND save time! Thanks!

5 08 2008

This reminds me of a situation from the Sugarhill Gang’s classic “Rapper’s Delight”:

“Have you ever went over a friends house to eat
and the food just aint no good
I mean the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed,
and the chicken tastes like wood
so you try to play it off like you think you can
by sayin’ that youre full
and then your friend says momma he’s just being polite
he aint finished uh-uh that’s bull
so your heart starts pumpin’ and you think of a lie
and you say that you already ate
and your friend says man there’s plenty of food
so you pile some more on your plate…”

Any way you slice it, someone trying to get you to shove bad food down can be pretty awkward.

5 08 2008
journal of social awkwardness

Maybe you could just break out into Rapper’s Delight next time someone offers you unwanted food. Everyone loves Sugarhill Gang!

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