Got a Sitch #2 – So you thought you could dance?

13 08 2008

The sitch:

“I need some advice for this terribly awkward situation many of us find ourselves in at a live music show…The band starts busting out a very “dance-able” tune. It takes you a couple minutes to get into it…sip your beer and drop a couple comments about how awesome the song is to your buddy. You’re groovin with hands in the pockets..little head bobbin’..scopeing out the dance floor and contemplating movement towards it. You finally decide to make the strut to to the floor…and start “full-motion-hands-out-of-pocket” dancing…(now here’s the awkward part)…only a couple beats into your “dance”…you’re feelin’’s happening..and then suddenly song ends and you’ve been on the dance floor for like 5 seconds. This situation has the potential to amplify into an even more awkward situation if the next song they play is slow, and you don’t want to dance, but also, don’t want to leave because you just came on.

everyone is watching…what do you do…what do you do??!”

The soloosh:

The soloosh to this particular problem will depend on the type of show you’re at. Lucky for you, dear Reader, we have a few pieces of advice tailored to your tunes.

1. Rap concert: First, turn to the guy standing next to you and say “Can you believe that Fiddy Cent got shot NINE times?!!” Even though this is a well known fact, it is always a good ice-breaker amongst rap fans. Next, you can use this moment of silence as an opportunity to showcase your beat boxing skills for a captive audience.

2. Phish reunion concert: Heed the popular, if cheesy maxim “Dance like no one is watching” because no one is actually watching you. Everyone else is too stoned to care that you’re dancing after the song has stopped, so keep flailing those hippie arms like the wacky waving inflatable arm guy of used car dealership fame. We can see how beautiful your aura is when you dance!

3. Indie rock show (not concert, show!): Choosing to dance at all was your first mistake. In fact, even showing up was risking a little too much enthusiasm for a band that will be too mainstream as of tomorrow. You may as well be wearing a Coldplay T-shirt. However, you can still recover your indie cred with the following simple steps. First, cross your arms at your chest and cultivate a look indifferent dissatisfaction. How dare Caribou stop playing just as you were getting into the song? Now turn to the person on your left and give them a good pre-emptive visual judging. Look them over slowly as if to say “Nice pants. Where’d you get them? American Apparel?”




2 responses

14 08 2008

No words. Just laughter. So clever!

9 10 2008

If this is an indie concert, you should never groove, or even look at the band and anyone except in mild contempt. Shame on you for showing emotions.. shame!

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